Fruitcake, normally a Christmas Horror, here a Christmas Hilarity!

Admit it. The holidays can be as scary as the most frightening Halloween. Whether it’s a long sit-down dinner with your dysfunctional family or waiting in endless lines with crying babies, holidays can bring out the worst in us.

Below are some of the horrors of the holidays.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

The Fruitcake. Nobody knows who invented this so-called “dessert” but the madness must end. Remember: always be suspicious of desserts that never decompose. (note: our Creative Director, Bennett CRAVES the fruity brick and every year BEGS Chris in Customer Support for one because Chris’s Mom makes them from scratch. It’s a sordid drama to watch for the rest of us)

The Holiday Sweater. It’s full of snowflakes, wintery landscapes, Santa faces…and just plain bad taste.

Christmas Lights. Many have been sent to special padded rooms after trying to get Christmas lights detangled, lit and hung properly. We pay a serious mental price for such luminous beauty.

Christmas Carols. Okay, there are a few holiday tunes that are bearable, but the newer ones are aural insults. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer? Jingle Bells? Come on. These plodding tunes make Happy Birthday sound like complex orchestration.

Christmas Parades. You can only do so much with the concept of a float. Even children are yawning by the end.

Inflatable Christmas Lawn Ornaments. When did these become popular and why? (Maybe the Christmas lights were too crazy-making. But ouch…what a lawn eyesore.)

One way to have a horror-free Christmas? Avoid the lines and make it as virtual as possible! Send a loved one a funny Christmas ecard. It’s simple, easy and fruitcake free (sorry, Bennett)!